Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire HILLBILLY HUMOR

A feller knocked on my door the other day and said he was researching fer a book he was awritein about a genuwine WV hillbilly. I done told him he was plumb lucky to catch me home onacounta this timeoyear most of us is in one of are border states ateachen school.
Ok anybody got anymore of em??

Here's one my Dad told me when I was a kid...Jimmy Carter wanted to get his picture took having dinner with the poorest family in America,and so he headed to Mingo Co. W.Va. were he heard there was a family of 6 living in an outhouse..He knocks on the door,and a pot bellied 50 year old man,and a pregnant girl about 15 and holding a baby answers the door..Mr. Carter says "I heard you are the poorest family in America",the man says" Nope,I reckon that wold be the folks living downstairs..

Young couple from the mountains got married. On the first night of the honeymoon, in their hotel room, she said, "Hunny, ah gotta tell ya. Ah'm still a virgin."
He said, "That's all raht, sugah. Ah gotta run down ta the lobby quick. Ah'll be raht back." As soon as he hit the lobby, he ran for the phone and called home. "Pa, whut'll ah do? She says she's a virgin!"
And Pa said, "Git the hell outta there, boy! If'n she ain't good enough fer her own family, she ain't good enough fer ars!"

Don't worry Son...I know u-n-her is de-vorced. But look on the brite side...she'll always be ur cusin.

There was this man,and wife over the road truck driving couple,that just happened to be colored,and they got lost in the Great Smokey Mountains.Well they got to arguing with each other,and they loose control of their rig,and wreck they both get killed,and their load of bowling balls are spilled all over the road,,A couple of Hillbillies come up on the wreck,and one says to the other."Better grab you a club Jethro",and Jethro replies "What fer Zeke theys already dead..Zeke says"Yea,I know,but we got to bust all them negro eggs before they hatch.

Then theirs the story that us hillbillys is borned with one leg shorter then the other fer awalken around them thar hills.

In one of Louis Lamour's books, it was said that brothers had the shorter leg on opposite sides, so they could switch off when plowing the field............

A teenage hillbilly boy was having sex with his sister and exclaimed "Gee, Sis... You are better than Mom!"

She replied "Thanks! That's what Dad said too!"

You know how a Hillbilly mother knows her daughter is having her period? Her son's D**k taste's funny!!!

Doc

That reminds me of a similar one I heard.....

It was Friday night, and the hillbilly daughter asked her daddy if she could have $20 to go out with. He said,"Yeah, but you know what you have to do." She
said, "Aw, Daddy, I don't want to suck yer dick". He told her, "Do it, or no money." A minute later, she came up gagging, and complained, "Daddy, yer dick tastes like chit". He said, "Yeah, yer brother wanted to borrow the truck".

A hillbilly came home to find all of his belongings in the front yard. His wife was standing on the front porch. He asked his wife what was going on, and she replied that she had found out that he was a pedophile.

He said " pedophile?, pedophile? ,that's a very big word for a 12 year old."

Steve

I reckon if everybody else is gonna tell off colored jokes ,I'll tell one too...A little hillbilly boy opened the barn door,and seen his older brother oraly molesting a bottle fed calf...He ask his brother if it's a boy calf,or a girl calf..The older brother angrily replies "GIRL CALF,I aint no queer!!!

If a hillbilly couple gets a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

Oh, sure, just like people to take someone's customs and make fun of them!

Heard about the West Virginia State Lottery?

Jackpot is $3 million dollars...

$1.00 a year for 3 million years...


Didja hear 'bout the Far at the Governor's Mansion in Charleston? 'Bout took out the entar Trailer Park a'fore the Far Dept Showed Up....

Wadda they call a man with a 6th grade education in WVa?
A genius...

Ok yours is my favorite so far but when I retell it its my outhouse on my farm on Oil Ridge. I change it from Carter to Obama and I help him to get downstairs.

We have plenty of hillbillys in Schoharie County. In Schoharie County, what do ya call the sweat on yer chest that ya get after having sex?????





Relative humidity

Look at my location. Some of the jokes aren't far off the mark. All I have to do is read our small paper.

Feller ask me where ya from buddy. Who me I's from the south. Where bouts in the south? Wess Virginna. Thats about as far north as you can be and still be from the south hain't it? Yep fur nuff north to have four beautiful different seasons, and fur nuff south that hain't nobody gonna be callen you a Dam Yankee!!!

Yea the saddest example was a few years back when that weirdo got high on them bathsalts,and molested,and killed that goat while a wearing pink bra,and panties,and makeup,and such.He was still wearing all this stuff for his mugshot..and did you West Virginia folks see on the news a couple days ago were that feller went and robbed a bank for $40 dollars.And here is another true West Virginia story that my Dad always got a kick from.Back in the 40s in Richwood the sheriff,and his buddies capyured 7,or 8 Jehovia wittness and were convinced they were anti American communist .They made them all drink huge amounts of caster oil,and then they proudly marched them through town to the post office,and made them salute the flag...I remember 20,or 30 years ago when the sherrif of one of the West Virginia counties accidentaly kilt the town drunk by putting castor oil in his whiskey as a joke.